I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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