i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
