you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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