yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
