Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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