I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
