Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
