So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
