I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
