why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
