thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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