Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
