Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
