This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
