I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am available for nakedness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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