Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
