apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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