I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
