Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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