is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
