I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
