I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the day after is always just damage control
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
