A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
