I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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