I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
