Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
