it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
