I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
