trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
