Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
