I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
