Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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