I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
