My room smells like vodka and shame
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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