I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
