I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
