Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
