ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
