omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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