There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
