I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
