I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
