I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
