it wasn't lemon gatorade
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
