I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
