i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
