just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
