New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
