im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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