I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
