Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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