It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
