there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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