how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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