Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
