apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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