Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
