____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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