walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
