apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
