If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
